That feeling
Well I found out what that forboding was. :) happily it had nothing to do with Michelle. There were two other women in my life that it had everything to do with. One of my trucker roommates decided to get a job in town, where she'll be home every week if not every day. This is the first time since we started living together that we will actually " Live" together. That not only means that she and I will have to work out some differences, but it also means that a friend of hers, and ex- of mine, will be around more often. 'du du dun...'
I still have feelings for this ex. Seeing her for extended periods of time presents many unpleasnt.... difficultys. After the last time she was over I did something I havn't done in a long time. I went to my spot. Its up parlys canyon. Well sort of. I park at a look out spot just before you enter the canyon. Then I hike up about 5 min. into the hill, to a group of bolders that mark the edge of a cliff. Long story short that ledge is my... beautifull misery. It has an excelent view of the city, and also holds many.... old memories. There are many reasons I used to go there, mostly to be alone, and some times to have a good cry. That was quite a while back, but every now and then.... well Its been a long time.
Wanting to go there, for me, is wanting to feel real again. Now the feelings seeing her bring back, seem to be the only times I feel alive any more, I just wish feeling that way made me want to be alive too. Well That forboding was right, and I never would have seen it comming. I don't like to think about her, let alone consider that she may come back into my life in such a distantly close way. I hate the idea of tring to resolve my feelings for her again. I tryed it once, and met some verry unhappy people in the process; not to mention a great many emty bottles... well the popup adds here have pissed me off a bit too much so thats all for today.. :)
I still have feelings for this ex. Seeing her for extended periods of time presents many unpleasnt.... difficultys. After the last time she was over I did something I havn't done in a long time. I went to my spot. Its up parlys canyon. Well sort of. I park at a look out spot just before you enter the canyon. Then I hike up about 5 min. into the hill, to a group of bolders that mark the edge of a cliff. Long story short that ledge is my... beautifull misery. It has an excelent view of the city, and also holds many.... old memories. There are many reasons I used to go there, mostly to be alone, and some times to have a good cry. That was quite a while back, but every now and then.... well Its been a long time.
Wanting to go there, for me, is wanting to feel real again. Now the feelings seeing her bring back, seem to be the only times I feel alive any more, I just wish feeling that way made me want to be alive too. Well That forboding was right, and I never would have seen it comming. I don't like to think about her, let alone consider that she may come back into my life in such a distantly close way. I hate the idea of tring to resolve my feelings for her again. I tryed it once, and met some verry unhappy people in the process; not to mention a great many emty bottles... well the popup adds here have pissed me off a bit too much so thats all for today.. :)
2 Comments:
Well, you kinda... sound like Shatner.
I have quite a few of those spots in Salt Lake; when I had a car, I would use up about a half tank of gas in one night, going to and from my favorite glee and gloom roosts.
You know, in regards to your feelings of your ex: It's all you. What good does it do you to give her that kind power over you? (even if she doesn't know she has it.)
Always sucky to have ex's around when you still like them. It almost never turns out well to try again. Hopefully, this will be one of the exceptions, and things can stay pleasant.
Post a Comment
<< Home