Anxiety

So im having another of those... whats the word... oh ya anxiety attack. I think thats what it is. When your vision goes black but your eyes are still open, only you don't know if your eyes are really still open or not. And you knees get weak, and you cant think. So consider this the paper bag I don't have on me. I got a few deep breaths out side but I can't leave my desk for too long untill my 11:15 patrol. I just need to breath. Maybe I should write about why I am having this attack, this time. So there is the issue with one of my bloggs. As could possibly be gathered from some of my poasts, there are people whom do not like what i said about the big events of late. Then there is M. I don't know whats been going on but it seems as though she is pushing me out of her life. She keeps telling me that she wants me there and then keeps pushing away. trouble is that the more she pushes I push back. I don't know why, its like I start to push back and realise I shouldn't, but by the time I realise it its too late to keep the words from rushing out. She seems to not want me there, alot. I take it, too often, as though she is ignoring me or cheeting or something. *sarcastic tone* I can't imagine why those thoughts would be going through my mind. I think alot of my anxiety right now comes from her. The single most important thing, to me, in a relationship is emotional support. Right now I need alot of support. I don't expect her to stop living her life to give me that. Although it seems that when ever I look to her for support she isn't there. She is always bussy with this or occupied with that. There. that one made me feel better. Its not much to go on but its the best Ive got. Im not worried about her cheeting on me. Im not worried about her pushing away.. well not as much any way. All this trouble im having is that I'm not getting the emotional support from her that I am aking to have. My heart longs for support, not that of friends, but that support that can only come from faimily or a lover. I know all too well that that support wont come from my family so im looking in the only other place I can think to look. She is bussy though. We have been toghether for 6 months but her family is still more important to her. All her energy goes to them and there is little to none left for me. I think i need to find some one who can give me the support I need. No offence to her, but I just don't think she can give the support I need. She has so much else that is higher priority then me to deal with. If she reads this, right like that'll happen, but if she does and decides that she can give me more then I think she will or can then maybe I won't need to look somewhere else. Then again I might just be being optimistic. Not often that I do that, usually just when things are so bleek that I cant be pessimistic. *sigh* My heart goes out to all the lonely people out there.