Trip to Green River

I have so much to say. Yet I can not seem to orginise my thoughts to the point of being able to find a place to start, without getting sidetracked to one of the other thoughts. I went on a trip with M this weekend. Got more sunburned then I have been in years. It was worth it, the sun set on satrday was great. Would have been better if I could have watched it with M; instead we took afew pic's with her bro, and then went on with the night. The whole trip was great. I met her relitives; on her moms side. I also got to see lots of great views while we were there. Sunday morning was very nice, woke up before 6 to a cool tent and birds singing, went back to sleep and woke up to the hot sun, but with the light was also many a good view on the way home. :) Much else I was going to tell bout the trip, but due to some kind of glitch, my computer erassed more then half of this entery and Im gettin kinda tired. So maybe ill give more later. :)

That feeling

Well I found out what that forboding was. :) happily it had nothing to do with Michelle. There were two other women in my life that it had everything to do with. One of my trucker roommates decided to get a job in town, where she'll be home every week if not every day. This is the first time since we started living together that we will actually " Live" together. That not only means that she and I will have to work out some differences, but it also means that a friend of hers, and ex- of mine, will be around more often. 'du du dun...'


I still have feelings for this ex. Seeing her for extended periods of time presents many unpleasnt.... difficultys. After the last time she was over I did something I havn't done in a long time. I went to my spot. Its up parlys canyon. Well sort of. I park at a look out spot just before you enter the canyon. Then I hike up about 5 min. into the hill, to a group of bolders that mark the edge of a cliff. Long story short that ledge is my... beautifull misery. It has an excelent view of the city, and also holds many.... old memories. There are many reasons I used to go there, mostly to be alone, and some times to have a good cry. That was quite a while back, but every now and then.... well Its been a long time.


Wanting to go there, for me, is wanting to feel real again. Now the feelings seeing her bring back, seem to be the only times I feel alive any more, I just wish feeling that way made me want to be alive too. Well That forboding was right, and I never would have seen it comming. I don't like to think about her, let alone consider that she may come back into my life in such a distantly close way. I hate the idea of tring to resolve my feelings for her again. I tryed it once, and met some verry unhappy people in the process; not to mention a great many emty bottles... well the popup adds here have pissed me off a bit too much so thats all for today.. :)

Insightful Intrigue

I have always wondered why, and how a man can cheat on his significant other. In this women have always been easier to understand; at least to me. In Love, a woman will only cheat if she feels her man no longer loves her; that is to say, to my knowledge. This often happens when the "romance dies". This often happens because the woman needs romance to feel needed and wanted, yet does she do anything to make her man feel the same?


With out proper balance things begin to fall, and crumble. In-case you think that relying on him financially or emotionally is the way to make him feel this; your wrong. Yes for some men that will give them a feeling of power; however if they are looking for love, they will need something else. Allowing your man to take care of the finances may be something he would like to do to please you, or make things easier for you, but it will not make him feel like you need him.


As quoted in my other blog "mystery and intrigue are to a man as Romance is to a woman". A man needs to feel the way he does when he is chasing you. That feeling of mystery and intrigue. A woman often commits out of romantic attraction. For a man romance is not "roses and chocolates". When a man and woman commit it is often desired that the man will continue romance her and the woman will... will what? Have sex with him? RIGHT!


As if he can't get that some where else.


IF all a woman needed to do was have sex with him, we would have more committed men; and I don't mean to an asylum. A man needs to "feel the chase" once in a while, the same way a woman needs to feel romanced. The mystery the chase the intrigue its a "mans' " romance. To any woman who takes the time to read this, if your man is not romancing you, try making him chase you once in a while and maybe he will feel the need to romance you more often.


Remember, sex may be only a street corner away, but what he really needs can only come from a relation ship, weather that is from you or someone else is ;in part; your choice.

Good ol' Life of me.

That bad feeling I had a while back; Its still there, but getting fainter. Something must be working to my better interest. :) I don't feel so messy any more. My room is clean, the house is almost clean, the stang and the escort are both getting closer to finished/junked; and my subaru is getting clean and organized. The paint all over the fron interior is going to take some work, and the exhaust will take some money I don't have yet; but its all starting to feel good again. Get my hair cut, and have a good long day of pampering my body and I should be back to good ol' me. :) Yeay! Life was... down for a while but I think things are gona keep lookin up; as long as I keep lookin in the right direction too. :) Loven's laters all..

Big changes recent and soon to come.

In my line of work, I have much time to think. I always seem to cling to the romances in my life; and in some cases so tightly that I loose them. I have always known why I cling so tightly. Only when I finaly put it in words can I see how to keep her here; this one, this time. Earlier in life everything, every day was trying to get by, just survive till the next day. Then I clung to escape my home, to escape all the stress and pressure and worry. Now with out a romance in my life, everything seems so dead, so tired, so pointless. When shes around I feel so alive, so happy, and so.. so indescribable. Now I want to make the other parts of my life better so that when she is away I can be happy, and her more happy for it. Happy that im not clinging so tightly and happy because if im happy then ill do things to make myself happier, and making her happy is at the top of the list of things that make me happy. :) Much redundincy here but it feels so good to see my life working out. Im up for promotion soon, and if I can "jump" high enough then maybe she and I can be eaven better. I worry though. The promotion could mean that our sedualls will conflict. At the same time it means more money, out of debt, and so many other stresses, so much faster...