*Sigh*

As expected, the aprenitceship was a load of crap. They are just looking for some sap to come work his/her ass off for a crap wage with the "promise" of something better. I've had it with promises. If it's not in writing its not happining. I think it would be best to stick to my plan. Pay to get my cdl and then save for school. With a cdl I can make $15-18hr. however there is always the chance that my company will promote me to the federal position, where it is supposed to make between 13 and 15hr. If its 15 then that should do for some time to come. If its anything less then that then it just won't do. We shall see.

Heart felt death.

I feel like I'm dying inside. I have a chance at a carpenters apprenticeship. I was excited for all of about 2 hours. The way life has been, I suppose the way it has always been, is that something good happens, it turns sour and I go looking for something else. I'm so tired of my endevors to be happy turning out to be nothing more then sour milk. Smelly and foul tasting. Come to think of it they are much like milk. lasts for a week or two after you open it, and then it goes sour. It is verry much the same with my life. I dive in to my new experience and a few weeks later it's gone sour. I read my profile, here, today. When I read it that person seems so happy. He seems content and at peace. That is because when I wrote that the milk hadn't turned sour yet. I want to say things are going well with Michelle. I know better. The moment I think things will be ok.... I have been here too many times. It has goten old. We "work out" our problem. But nothing ever really changes. I feel like I'm in this for her now. It was made clear that she was only interested in a certian amount of a relationship, right now. The only way I can describe it is the way it feels to me. I know this isn't what she thinks, I don't know if it's how she feels or anything. Its just how I feel. It feels like she just wants a "superficial" relationship. One with all the out side apperence and movement, but no real inside. No "heart" to it. She wants someone there that she can have so she isn't alone, but she doesn't want to care. Doesn't want.. I don't know. I guess she just wants things to be ok "easy" not depressed, or something for a while. Just to not have any troubles for a while. All the troubles are with me. Im always the one saying "I need.." I think she just wants me to be less needy. I think there may be a point there. I don't know if thats what she really thinks, as I said, its how I feel. A point none the less. I just need to stop thinking she is cheeting or, frankly I just need to get out of the sticky mess of the gossipy bull **** that spreads like a disease amongst my friends. It gets to the point where it turns from gossip, to a way of life. I need to change that. It only "brings me down". I need to get away from it and just be happy. I can't afford to live on my own... Maybe with the new living arrangements there won't be any more of the crap. If not Ill prepare to live alone for a while... Time. Ill just have to wait for time to be ready for me to make a decision. OK. Time to start. I love the woman I am with, and I need to stop reading too far in to things. Just take things at face value. If something doesn't work, then it won't be my fault. Not that it'll feel any better about it, but at least I'll know that I did my best. Ok . no more gossip. Thats all I really get from "myspace" So I may not spend as much time on there anymore. I am here by geting out of this whole BS with the house and people. you put a bull in the wild, not in a china shop. you put china in a shop, not the wilderness. some people just don't have a place in my life any more. *sigh* I have to do whats best for me, I can't keep living like this, and I sure can't live a life thats not me just to keep friends that don't make me happy any more. I can't always make everyone else happy, sometimes the spiders die, and sometimes the butterflys do. I can't save this, so I'm gona make the best of it I can. I will make the friends I can, and let go of the ones I can't keep. I'm getting so "low" that life has little meaning. With my ways of thinking that road only leads to one place, and I don't know if I'm ready to brave that path yet. So now I try to make better of my life, and if things are really lost then I'll deal. but for now ill make the best of it all that I can. good thoughts and hope... its what i live on.

The weekend

I suppose I'll start with Friday night. I went to my first shift at Rocky. It was boring as hell, but I enjoyed it. At first break, for the actors, Falcon found out that I was her guard for the night and upon greeting me gave me a big hug and said something to the effect of "thank god your not one of those 'green' new guys." Quite a few of the staff for security seem.... unacustomed to actuall work. You know the type who gets in to security so they can sit on their ass. As opposed to the type who get in to it to actually work. Like me. lol ish. Then I get off and start to head out. I had offered ce ce a ride home and so I went to the cast area to get her. My mistake. I was mobbed. Apparently there are a few people who missed me and are upset that I haven't been around for the last few years. Two girls gave me one of those jumping hugs. the ones where they wrap their legs around your waist. I hadn't ever thought about it untill that night, but I don't think I like anyone other then my sisters or M doing it. I like it when M does it. mmmmmmmm.... moving on. My sisters start it out as a hug and then swing around in my arms so that they are holding on to my waist with their legs and making me hold them with one arm. Its a cheep way to get me to carry them. lol. So Saturday I was sedualled to work 8am to 5pm. Only trouble was that I woke up throwing up blood. I was shaking uncontrolably when I went to bed, and I woke up dizzy and still a little shakey. So I managed 2h of work and went home sick. I missed out on over $100. because of it. :'( Well the day went on and lots of fighting and then more fighting. Then a section I reserve for my A.Y.O.R. Journal. So I spent the night in my car. Then went home. Then got some real sleep. Then went back, and we made up. Tears on both sides. I think things are better then they have ever been. I think things are a little shakey but I think things are more open between us. :) We went to dinner at an all you can eat buffet, but not just any buffet. An all you can eat, sushi/ asian east coast buffet. :) I love sushi. Did I mention I love sushi? I love sushi. Ok so Sushi and then we went to see the movie "The Last Kiss". Its a movie about a lot of people leaving long term relationships and cheeting on their partners. Humm... maybe I should tell everyone not to see this movie. then again it might be a good idea. any way. So we watched the movie. Then more talking and... well later I almost passed out, like I was laying down and I got real dizzy, laying down mind you, got so dizzy that my head started spinning and my vission went a little foggy. Not with out good reason. It was probably the best sex of my life. Probably the fastest as well. Needless to say I was almost late to work this morning. I feel a little shook up. A little uneasy, but I feel good. *Sigh* :) life. On big circle of ups and downs. :)

and the dizzyness after

so Im a getting all dizzy and emotional and still a little of the after effects of my anxiety... I can't do this right now. RPHH called back and are giving me work tonight. I am also at work right now and can't do this. so ok Im gona breath.. alot... oh ya a whole lot...

Anxiety

So im having another of those... whats the word... oh ya anxiety attack. I think thats what it is. When your vision goes black but your eyes are still open, only you don't know if your eyes are really still open or not. And you knees get weak, and you cant think. So consider this the paper bag I don't have on me. I got a few deep breaths out side but I can't leave my desk for too long untill my 11:15 patrol. I just need to breath. Maybe I should write about why I am having this attack, this time. So there is the issue with one of my bloggs. As could possibly be gathered from some of my poasts, there are people whom do not like what i said about the big events of late. Then there is M. I don't know whats been going on but it seems as though she is pushing me out of her life. She keeps telling me that she wants me there and then keeps pushing away. trouble is that the more she pushes I push back. I don't know why, its like I start to push back and realise I shouldn't, but by the time I realise it its too late to keep the words from rushing out. She seems to not want me there, alot. I take it, too often, as though she is ignoring me or cheeting or something. *sarcastic tone* I can't imagine why those thoughts would be going through my mind. I think alot of my anxiety right now comes from her. The single most important thing, to me, in a relationship is emotional support. Right now I need alot of support. I don't expect her to stop living her life to give me that. Although it seems that when ever I look to her for support she isn't there. She is always bussy with this or occupied with that. There. that one made me feel better. Its not much to go on but its the best Ive got. Im not worried about her cheeting on me. Im not worried about her pushing away.. well not as much any way. All this trouble im having is that I'm not getting the emotional support from her that I am aking to have. My heart longs for support, not that of friends, but that support that can only come from faimily or a lover. I know all too well that that support wont come from my family so im looking in the only other place I can think to look. She is bussy though. We have been toghether for 6 months but her family is still more important to her. All her energy goes to them and there is little to none left for me. I think i need to find some one who can give me the support I need. No offence to her, but I just don't think she can give the support I need. She has so much else that is higher priority then me to deal with. If she reads this, right like that'll happen, but if she does and decides that she can give me more then I think she will or can then maybe I won't need to look somewhere else. Then again I might just be being optimistic. Not often that I do that, usually just when things are so bleek that I cant be pessimistic. *sigh* My heart goes out to all the lonely people out there.

Remind me when....

I am learning how to live. I should remember that.

WOW

I have such creative titles latetely. So i just checked my blog tracker. Usually I have about 10 hits a week. usually just the same few people aka repeet hits. Today I had 47 hits!!! That proves it. people only look at my blog when its about them. Im not sure how i should take that... Maby ill relocate those slect blogs and then my hits will return to normal... hummm...

Must rant

GIRRRR people should not be allowed to be so stupid!!!!!

"good morning"

"hi can you help us find this"

I look at the document

"let me look that street name up in the phone book one second"

"so you know where it is?"

"um...*slightly confused* no. I need to look it up. one second while I do that....
ok here it is its 14s and 23e. the street must turn. so you are looking for 1444s on the 23e section of that street."

" so the 1444 so is wrong?"

*sighs in frustration*
"no you are looking for this building *points to the bulding number* on this street *points to street number*"

"so is it easy to get to?"

*Is any thing easy with you*
"I don't know, I just looked it up for you because I've never been there. You'll just have to go see."

They finaly leave the building. the scarey part, is that they were driving. *AHHHHHH!!!!!* People who can't think for themselves shouldn't be.. ok im just mad. Stupid people anoy me.

Update on the uptate.. aren't I creative.

So A few changes in what I wrote before. Since S has started to reconsile with Z. As mentioned in a previous poast my new job indevor will wait, but hopefully I will still see more of Z in the comming year. In addition I would like to remind myself that L and I not geting along very well is not the only reason for me not wanting to live with her. However due to recent events I do not feel comfortable poasting the remaining reasons. *Sigh* more to say later, but first....

On to what I was actually going to write.

So what I was going to say before my little rant was this. I read a blog earlier tonight. It was, for me, a big bright light that made me realise that I wasn't the only one who thought this. I didn't think I was, but I never thought about it untill now. Relationships are rather complex. *no shit* says the penut gallery. Well when a and b are in a relationship and a and c are in a less involved relationship. if c knows b, then the relationship between a and b effects c. This has been more then apparent to me over the last few weeks. I have been crying in michelles arms all week. The broken relationships over this past month have no direct tie to me. Indirectly one of those relationships GREATLY impacts my finances. All of them impact my heart. I was asked a year ago to stand in the middle of one of those messes. If I had known then what I know now I would never have agreed to it. I almost think when I was asked to that I aut to have flipped her off and stormed off. Hind sight is 20/20. I have said it before and I'll say it again. I have been the most uninvolved involved party in all of this. Too much more and im a say "fuck you all" and get away from all of the shit. I didn't ask to be put in the position im in. No thats not true. I asked to be put in this position when I asked, in action not word, to be the friend of those involved. If I had known that having them turn on me for doing my best to get through this life and handle the problems that come my way as best I can then I'd have left their companionship along time ago. You all put me in the place I am now, I chose to be your friend and so indirectly I chose to be here. I am fine being here. But my only support, my only reliece is here. I rarely get enough emotional support any where or from anyone. Here I can let it out. I can't count the number of times I have blead my heart out here while my key board gets wet with tears. This is my place. Be carefull where you tread. Im not inclined to befriend anyone who thinks that their actions only effect them.

Bunch o ****

Normaly this would be an AYOR poast. But I have something to say. This is one of the only times I will write directly to someone other then me. To L J and A. IF you have a problem with what you read on this page then I think you missed the boat. Look around. THIS IS ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!! This page/ blog etc is a bout me! If you can't see that in the first 5 seconds then you are blind. IT amazes me that I write about plotting to kill myself earlier THIS YEAR and I get a phone call from both of my regular readers. BUt *gasp* I write about someone else and suddnly they have to see. If you are on this page for you then leave now. there is nothing here for you. This is about me. To anyone who has any intentions of calling me about anything here it had damed well better be about me wanting to kill myself or support about michelle LONG before you get a bur up you ass about YOU!. You have all been mentioned before but not one of you cares enough to notice till now. SO FUCK YOU if you are so self centered to think that everything happining effects only you. I consider all 3 of you close friends. What each of you has done has Severly hurt anyone who cares about you.and yes AMY you too. IF any of you have the audasity to think that no one else has been hurt by this then FUCK OFF! and to HELL WITH YOU!!! to anyone and everyone else if you are going to read this then start at the begining. the begining for any one who is computer illiterate is the bottom of this page--> Click here and scroll to the bottom. And don't forget to read AYORpoasts and my Poetry and all the other shit listed in the side collum. If you have the time to read about you then you had damed well better read about me before you give me any shit about ANY THING ON HERE!

.....Weeks go by and so do I.....

So, trucking has been postponed. I will look in to saving money to earn my CDL through a local company. This has an advantage and a disadvantage. The advantage is that I can go strait in to city trucking and skip the long haul. The disadvantage is that in the mean time I have to come up with 3K to pay for school. Either way its a good paying job and one that can quickly, if I don't go hog wild, pay for schooling. Then again who knows, maybe I'll like short haul and stick with it. If it pays right then who knows. :) What ever happens I have told Zeb to come on home when he's ready. I found out that he was staying OTR because I had expressed interest in going with him. I'd rather have him home. I know that others would too. I talked to M last night. It has been 6 mo that we've been together. I consider this time for a "6 mo review" lol. I figure its a good idea to take a look at the last 6 months and make sure we both still want what's happening. Also to make sure that what is happening is right for each of us. Sat night and Sun morning are "our time" so after Paint Ball sat morn/afternoon we get to spend time and make sure our relationship is mentally emotionally and physically "up to par". Better to talk now then... Well not to be tact less but I don't want to end up like L and Z so I want to make sure we aren't holding on to each other out of fear. I want to make sure that aspirations of love, or fear of being alone aren't the reasons we are together. I want to make sure that we are together because we love each other and are good for each other. Love or not, if either of us does things to hurt the other then those things either need to get fixed or we need to change the status of our relationship. Neither of us should have to change who we are to make the other happy. Maybe changing bad habits or minor things to make our interaction more smooth, sure; but major personality changes shouldn't have to happen. Lots of details about it but only time will tell if this relationship is best as intimate partners or if we would be wise to become friends instead. We shall see this weekend. :) I hope for what ever is best, but I also hope that I don't end up single. :) I suppose I want to have my cake and eat it too... mmmmm cake.... mmmm eat.. ;) lol

Lol

Lol so I write my last poast and all 2 of my readers both call around the same time. LOL must both get on line at the same time. :) lol Ill bet ill get a call from z later when he reads it. He makes a 3rd reader... but I doubt hell keep up like the other 2 do. :) So the question might be asked, if all the people who read this have called, then why mention it? The answer is because its my blog and I write for me, so I can look back some day and remember. :)

Up date on my last AYOR poast.

So where did I leave off? Oh right I didn't actually get in to it. Ok so here goes, the whole story from the start. The first question is what constitutes the start? Ok here is the disclaimer. This is the sole opinion of FH and not nessasarily actual fact. This is FH, here after refered to as my, point of view and there for just the narrow view of an outside party who has, at best, only most of the facts, and quite possibly only some of said facts. Ok there, now that the disclaimer is out of the way here is my perspective, aka view, on the events of the past week. The following information is, in part, from things I have been told by the partys mentioned in the following document. Simply put some of this information is my perspective of the perspective of those partys whom have given me their perspective. To be compleet I will start from before I knew the involved partys. The main players in this are L and Z. They were high school sweet hearts and around the time they graduated is around the time I met them. In high school, like many of us, they were both still figuring out who they were. He, from what I understand, was pretty much the same person then as he is now. She, on the other hand, stil had a lot of self discovery to do. By the time they were both out of school and she had a good hold on who she is they had become very different people. He held on to the "sinking ship" out of loyalty and, for lack of a better term, as a security blanket. For her part I do not know what her reasons or modivations were, so I will not speculate here. It was quickly apparent to most every one that he was not what she wanted any more and she was not what he wanted any more. By that point neither L or Z was willing to admit it, and also neither wanted to let go of their love, no matter how much it hurt them; and in turn those who care about them. So life goes on and they have their ups and downs and years go by. Enter party and S. 5 years ago S met Z and quickly, as many peole do, fell in love with him. Z is a great man, and a wonderfull friend. As such it is quite easy to fall in love with him. As such it is easy to see why so many would consider him as a good choice for, and not only consider but attempt to gain him as, a life companion. For some this means wanting him to be their intimate partner, aka BF/Feaunce/Husband/etc... In the case of S she has, and possibly always will, want him not as a freind, and not as a companion, but only as a BF/Husband etc.. He gains this "lovability" for a reason, and for those who do not know him, as I would like to believe that I know him, he can easily be missunderstood. For many he gives comfort and support. For those seeking more then friendship it is easy to missinturpet his intentions. This is the case for S. I have not been there for all of their relationship, however. From what I have seen and have heard from both sides she has allowed her self to find a fantisy world and as such much fact is distorted through her dreamy vission. As I have destroyed a friendship with such clouded vision her situation is all too fimaliar to me. Now I will introduce A, and J. A and J "hooked up" shortly after S met Z. J has a sex addiction. As such the last 5 years have been full of J cheeting on A and A forgiving J, and the cycle continues to this day. Now enter C. C is another sole like Z. Fun happy and easy to fall in love with. C moved in with Me Z and L in december. Z had already started to fall in love with C prior to moving in together. I do not know on C's part and so I will not speculate here. By march it was easy to see how much Z's heart longed for Z's brain to see what he was feeling and take action from there. This finaly happend this past month. Although there are and were better ways for this past month to have happend Z has held on to an ideal that made this past month much... different then it otherwise would have been. The ideal I mentioned is best described in the tale of the spider and the butterfly. This story orrigonates form an anami intitled "Vash The Stampeed". In this story a butterfly gets trapped in a spiders web. Vash wants both the spider and the butterfly to be safe. His brother Knives steps in and kills the spider, thinking that Vash only wanted to save the butterfly. The reality of the situation is that if the spider doesn't eat, then it will die, but if the spider does eat the butterfly will die. And so continues the circle of life. However in the life of Z he continually trys to save all the spiders and butterflys. Until such times as this it comes to the point where he cant save both, and to his credit, still trys. So back to this past month. This past month Z came to an impass. Not all the butterflys could be saved, and neither could all the spiders. In addition to this it had and was still taking time for the full effect of the change in Z's heart to "sink in" enough for him to accept those feelings for what they were. So every thing happened in a verry... less then "clean cut" fashion. The nitty gritty details asside due to desisions made L has broken, quite possibly forever, the trust of A. J has consinted to attending thearapy with A to work out his addiction. S has informed Z not to be a part of her life untill or unless he wants to... "hook up with her". And finaly L and Z have separated and Z and C have... "hooked up". This is where I come in. A and I will have to take some time to work out my involvement in her life. L and I will have to wait and see where we stand at the end of all this. As S holds on to her immaginary world I become more and more blurry in her world and there for more distant. In the world of C I seem neutral, however we will see how the comming year effects that. For Z and my self, I believe that we have become much closer through all this. For this part ,I hope, will make the next employment indevor I am seeking that much more enjoyable; as I will see much more of him. In the world of me this means some huge changes. L has asked that C leave the house. Z intends to go with her. I can not and will not live alone with L as she and I do not really get along all that well. So in October Z, C and myself will move in to our new place, and L will make a new life for herself, with the cats. I have had no power in any of this and have and was left with no choice but to sit back and watch it all unfold. I watched with sad eyes feeling like the only others aware of the comming tides of pain were the cats ,whom reside with us. It is good to see Z so happy, and I hope the best for this man, whom is one of my life companions, and greatest Loves. He and I share that ideal, and will, I hope, both of us continue to hold to it until the day we each die. To all others in this story, I wish you all the best, and may all the spiders and butterflys in your comming days find long life and little death.

Food

Are you ever sitting on the toilet thinking, "what did I do to deserve this?" and then you remember last nights dinner and immediately realize "oh ya, ok I deserve this." Ya dinner last night was more of those burgurs from the reunion. The end of this week makes 4 weeks that we have been working on them and we are now down to the last 50 or so. lol.

GIRRR

This is my rant for the day. This lady comes in and says she needs to register. I have no idea what shes talking about and look at her quizically while she keeps talking. I figure out that she is here for a fostercare visit. This is important because it will determine where she goes next. Then I ask who her case worker is. She gives me 2 names. 2 First names. I work in a building with 4 floors and more then 500 employees, if not closer to 1,000. The names she gives me are Ryan and Amy. Do you have any idea how many people work in this building with those names? So I ask for last names and she just keeps asking if I know either of these two people. In my head im like "shut the fuck up for one second and listen to the words coming out of my mouth, LAST name." eventually the recpionist figures out what she is smoking and takes care of it. GOD I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!!!

Smiles

So We talked about Origon last night. She told me that she would stay for me. :)I didn't expect such an answer, but it is a most welcome answer. :) I suppose things have been getting better between she and I. The longer we are together the more she seems to open up and relax. It is especially hard for me to handle this, because I don't want to let another "Anjuli" occur. No more "going down with the ship" for me. I suppose that Michelles emotions work a little slower then I would like but at least progress is being made, and visable progress at that. Its always nice to know that you aren't just beeting your head in to a wall. Zeb was a much bigger help last night then I think he knows. He insisted that we try to get a hold of Michelle for dinner. He knows how hard I struggle with jellousy. I am constantly afraid of not being good enough for M and that she will find someone else "on the side". I have a few close friends that have had jellousy issues. Untill now I never understood jellousy. Now I understand that it happens, but I'm still having trouble controling it. I don't usually have this kind of problem. So I just don't know how to handle it or what to do about it. I suppose for now all I can do is know that I have a problem and look for ways to fix it. So this time maybe it really is me. :)

Girl Friends and beond...

So I made a decision today. I am going to tell her that I need her to commit to me. She still talks about moving to Origon, even after we discussed that I would not go at this point in my life. So I am going to ask that if I am not important enough to stay here for then we need to be done now, and not when something comes up. This is going to hurt because I know that she is not going to choose me. Much crying to be added to my break down last night, and the one this morning. I still hope that I mean enough to her for her to want to stay, but we'll see. wish me luck...

WOW!!!

Much Profanity here so Todays poast is At your own risk.

Slippery employment.

Bad news first, ok complaining first, and then the good news. I was right not to get my hopes up about the $15.hr. Long complicated explanation summed up, I will be working 9 hour shifts. Instead of an hour of overtime every day, it counts as regular time. In short they are stingey bastards. I will be making more money by getting paid for that "extra" hour but still, there is a reason that over time has ovrtime pay. *sigh* It also seems that that "over time" ,I mentioned in my last blog,ya well it seems that will be a normal part of my week. more money and less sleep, etc... I think I will be making arangements with WSE after all. Now on to the good news. This morning they looked at my tire and it was fixable. No need for a different tire or a new rim, just "fix a flat". Yay! Although I don't like whats happining with work I can be happy at my range scores. I got 143 out of a possible 150. I had one shot that somehow managed way up and away from my center of mass and ended up near the head. That makes me wonder if one of the people next to me, and i do mean like sholder with away, might have miss aimed; as I clearly remember my barrel never reaching that high unless I was aiming for the head, so... *sigh* with out that shot I would have had 148. as in aprox 98%. *Sigh* alas I will have to deal with that lowered score. The paper test results come back tomorrow. Well now that I'm back at work I had better make sure my replacements for the day didn't screw up any thing while I was gone. talk laters :)~

Uneasy solutions

So yesterday I had a tire blow out, a backfired attempt at making a better life for myself, and a bank that can't seem to keep itself glued together. Today the tire is still out of commition, but I have a plan to get it fixed. The bank is still trying to figure out what to tell me about the problem they are having, and in the mean time has said that they are still "working" on it. GIRRRR. The attempt to get a better paying job has suceeded. Sortof. For 6 months I have been asking to get promoted to an armed position. I asked both of the supervisors I have had during that time about doing it. Both of them said they would look in to what I would need to do and then they would get back to me. Neither of them did. So I went looking for a better paying position somewhere else. When I found one this weekend and all that crap happened, (see my last poast) it gave them a big sign that said "im serious" about wanting to be in a better position. It doesn't settle well with me that they are promoting me out of fear of loosing me but I suppose beggars can't be choosers. Tomorrow I go in to train for my armed poast. I will also be doing my quilifications at the firing range. On Friday I should be getting my armed Licence. On Monday I start at my new poast. At least thats the plan. I will be getting a raise from $9.50hr to $10.50hr. When I retracted my resignation I explained my financial reasons for wanting a better position, their first "solution" was to give me some overtime; on my day off du du dun. Their second solution was to promote me. So I get both, no choice, they need me, by trying to resign I said I need money so now I get money and no life. Hopefully just for the next month. *crosses fingers* and then Ill just have the promotion and not the over time. They are also tmidly saying that my new poast could pay $15.hr ,some how, but im not getting my hopes up for that one.
Also, WSE trucking finaly got back to me. AHHHHHH!!! WHY NOW!!!! any way Ill look in to it. If This poast really does pay $15 then there is no point in doing trucking. If it only pays 10.50 then I will hopefully get in to trucking after another 6months. <-- I don't want to leave right after all this. Figure I aut to be nice, they are after all fitting the bill for the armed training and licencing. *sigh* we will see.

"Bad work!, bad!... now go sit in the corner.."

So that job I was gona get, you know the one making $12hr full time, ya that one? Well I applied for it over the weekend and the guy hired me. He told me to give my current employer my resignation. So this morning I got up early and tendered my resignation. Later this morning I called the company that hired me to talk about sedualing, as well as when my first day would be. At that point they finally told me that the job was a temorary position and that I shouldn't have put in my resignation #@$^#%$&@#$%#@^$&@#$&@#%&@#!!! So I recanted my resignation and will no longer be persuing the above mentioned job. I also reported their false advertising to DWS, where I saw the ad' in the first place. They are now investagting things. However all is not well with my employer. This little event has cost me my weekends, in my own attempt to "smooth things over". To add to the **** today when I went to spend my lunch with my girl friend one of my tires blew, and I quickly discovered that the spare was flat. yet again, and I repeet, @!#$@#$!@#!%^!!! To wrap things up today I checked my credit union account. My credit card is set up to give me 25 days from a given purchase before a payment is due. However on fri I checked it and it said that a payment was due on the 6th. As the account was paid in full on the 28th, a mear 3 days prior. Not the 25 days I am supposed to have to pay it. SO I call. They say they will take care of it. Later that day it is fixed. Today I check it again, just to be safe. What would you know, the due date is back to the 6th. So I call again. When I explain things to the agent, she mumbles something apologyses and says she will fix it. Right now I am waiting to see if it is fixed, I suppose I'll know tomorrow. ;P I need a drink, but I'm gona settle for some time with the GF and maybe a dip in the pool.